I love you and I am thankful the Lord saw it fitting for me to be your mother. I know there are times we don’t agree — most times. I feel the need to clear some things up, because I believe there is a serious misconception of who you think I use to be and who I am now.
There may be things that you find quite surprising and my prayer is that while they may surprise you, you’ll be able to relate as well as learn from them.
I was once a teenager as you are… I know, quite shocking.
My life wasn’t all good but it wasn’t all bad either. There were times when I questioned whether or not I was loved or worthy to be loved.
I struggled with feelings of…
Can you relate to any of these?
My hormones were all over the place, making me feel all sort of ways. I made excuses for my poor choices or just flat out didn’t care. I didn’t care because I was only thinking of right then, not how these decisions could and would impact my future.
To be completely honest, I wasn’t sure I had much of a future— I’d made too many mistakes, surely there was no future for a person like me.
Oh, did I fail to mention, my struggle with low self esteem?
If I did what made me feel good, then I would be happy and maybe even whole. If I hurt them before they hurt me, then I won— the lies I told myself and even worse … believed.
My life was broken but only by the grace of God, not shattered.
August 1, 2004, the trajectory of my life changed.
I decided to accept Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I didn’t know much about Jesus, but I knew enough to know that He loved me so much that He died on the cross for my sins.
To be reassured that Jesus could love me, regardless of my poor choices seemed impossible until I began to learn more about Him. To know that you’re loved unconditionally changes you.
It makes life worth living. You learn to love yourself and those around you. You learn to be patient with others. You learn to forgive yourself and forgive those who have hurt you. You learn that your life matters and before you were in your mothers womb God had a plan a purpose for your life. You start believing the truth about who God says you are, rather than the lies that you have either told yourself, or others have told you.
My life changed. The weight of fear, anxiety and the unknown was lifted on that day. I’d never felt so free.
Free to love you unconditionally because I was learning to love myself.
You are a gift given to me and I will treasure you all the days of my life. My desire is to never hurt you but always protect you. I know it’s tough to understand me at times — I get it.
I understand where you are and I understand the challenges you face as a teenager. You don’t have to face them alone. I am not against you. I am for you and I desire God’s absolute best for your life.